Online therapist serving folks in Minnesota
JoEllen Lange, MA, LMFT
Virtually serving the Twin Cities and Greater Minnesota
“She said, ‘If you don’t go to therapy’ … ”
Usually this sentence ends with some form of we’re done.
This is meant to be motivating, but it can also make you feel stuck because of the real fear of your relationship ending.
Your partner likely believes nothing else has worked - and they want things to change. Really, they do.
Their hope is this sparks you enough to take action.
But no one is born knowing how to ‘do relationships’ well.
The good news is doing them well can be learned.
We all need help improving our intimate relationships. We are imperfect and had imperfect relationship models.
No shade on our models - they did their best. And now we have research that shows us there are much better ways.
So let’s do better. It’s not easy. And yet it’s so worth the effort.
Asking for help might feel uncomfortable.
But not taking action will feel worse in the end.
You’re worth it.
Your relationship is worth it.
You both deserve your dreams.
You got this.
Keep moving forward.
If you’re ready for things to be different, let’s have a conversation.
Schedule your free, 20-minute, no-obligation consultation here.
What you can expect in our therapeutic space.
This is not necessarily a formula. But therapy with me can generally look like this.
Getting to know each other
First, there’s some getting to know each other.
If you’re brand new to therapy, you might feel awkward or uncomfortable in our (online) therapeutic space. (Totally normal.) I’m not going to push anything or make anything try to happen. We’re going to start with conversations.
Even if you’re not brand new to therapy, we’re still new humans to each other. We’ll take the time we need and see where our conversation takes us.
Identifying your ideal outcomes
In our first couple or few sessions, I’ll ask you to share what you want most in your relationship.
You might start thinking about, What are my vision and goals for my future with my chosen person? (I probably won’t be asking you that specifically. This is just a priming the pump example.)
Operationalizing - working toward the 'how to'
Then we operationalize your ideal outcomes. We get into the specifics of what you want and deserve.
We work to turn the concepts of your ideals into tangibles that we can see, touch, feel. For example, what does ‘feel more connected’ mean to you?
Good enough start. But it’s vague. We want to be clear. So we put meat on the bones of your ideals.
Doing the therapeutic work
What is operationalized then becomes the work. What are the old habits we’re working to change? Better still, what are the new habits you’ll start practicing (as in doing)?
Expect to leave each session with take-away practice exercises (aka homework). This is where the rubber hits the road, as the saying goes.
Checking to see if we’re on the right path & moving toward your goals
I want your desired results for you.
So we check.
Should we be working on more of this thing and less of that thing?
What progress are you noticing - or not?
Are you feeling heard, seen, and understood in session with me?
Do we need to change course?
What’s feeling new, scary, different, or not right?
What’s feeling good and new and different in your life?
Anything else?
Here’s what else is likely to show up in our therapeutic space:
Humor
Swears
Metaphors
Dorky (mine!) references to 1970s or 80s throwbacks
Tears - yours, mine, maybe both
Loads of compassion, gratitude, listening, and respect
Celebrations of your wins!
How does this sound so far?
Schedule your free, 20-minute, no-obligation consultation here.
I’m JoEllen (she/her). Here’s a little bit about me …
My mission
Part of my mission as a therapist is to help men own their awesomeness, deservedness, and wholeness.
When men do this, the benefits are seen and felt with their partners, in their families, and in their communities. It changes everything and it’s fantastic!
My degree
I hold a master’s degree in marriage & family therapy. In this discipline, we’re trained to consider humans in all their contexts and systems - self, family, friends, work, physical, spiritual, nature, political, educational, emotional, sensual, et cetera.
As such, any topic is welcome in our space together - because all these things are woven into the fabric of our humanness and they connect us to ourselves and each other!
My training
I regularly seek and engage in training that will improve my skills as a therapist. Some of the training beyond graduate school I have had includes
Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), Levels 1 & 2
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFiT)
Internal Family Systems (IFS) informed training
Neuroscience for Clinicians
I am currently interested in how the state of our nervous system affects our well-being and am learning about this as well.
I use all of my trainings to bring many tools into our space so we can use the ones that will work best for you.
My training is ongoing, and the list above is not a complete list of what I engage in or have completed.
My privileges & biases
I know I walk this earth with a ton of unearned privileges. Among them, I’m a white, heterosexual, cis-gendered, Gen X (50+-years-old), child-free, US-born, English-speaking, and able-bodied female, married 30+ years to a white cis-gendered male.
I work to remain aware that these are my biases and lenses and how they affect my work and the space between us.
And should I cause a rupture between us because I neglected to remember that my viewpoint is colored solely by my own lived experiences, or for any other reason, I would appreciate an opportunity to repair with you.
Fun facts about me … or dorky facts? … well, maybe just plain facts
DIY is fun - even if I can’t do it all
Fall - cool weather and warm colors!
I was president of a cemetery board
I’ve won a few Halloween costume contests
I’m an oldest child
I know ‘words matter’ to be true and a healthy life practice
Hard NO on horror movies or TV!
I moved a lot as a kid
‘No waste’ is a huge value of mine
JoEllen Lange (she/her), MA, LMFT - helping great Minnesota guys like you improve your relationships with yourselves and your loved ones